By: Jasmine Blue, Grief Counselor, M.A. Gerontologist and Death Doula
Tis the Season to be Jolly, or is it? It begins with fall festivals, Halloween costumes, carving the turkey, and watching the Thanksgiving Day football games, followed closely by making mom or dad's favorite holiday dish while listening to Christmas carols. Hot cocoa, gift wrapping, and chestnuts roasting on an open fire complete the holiday picture. Children are excited to open gifts; trees and wreaths are decorated in red, green, silver or gold. The holiday season is here. We've always heard that holidays are joyous occasions spent with those we love the most, but what happens when the one we love the most is no longer here?
For many, the holiday season can be difficult to enjoy when grieving because we miss our loved ones more than usual. It can feel empty and overwhelming. As the holiday season approaches, please know that it is okay to hold space for your feelings and emotions. During this season, you may find yourself wanting to be alone and maybe triggered by things happening around you.
Here are some common responses or signs to grieving during the holiday:
Being reminded of memories: Whether it is from family members talking about your loved one or seeing pictures in a family photo album, there will be times during the holiday that you are reminded that your special person is not physically with you.
Emotional heaviness: Emotional heaviness is common during the holidays. Some may experience a feeling such as when their person first died: heaviness in your chest or pain, headaches, anxiety, excessive crying and social withdrawal.
Social Overload: During the holiday you may have friends or your social network reaching out to plan socials or events. It may feel a little overwhelming or you may feel bad about canceling. Being socially overwhelmed can happen, and that's okay.
Here are some coping strategies to help this holiday season:
Set realistic expectations for yourself. Don't try to overschedule social events. Do what is best for you. Don't be afraid to ask for a rain check.
Surround yourself with people who love and support you.
Allow yourself to feel joy, sadness and/or anger - ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE.
Draw comfort from doing for others (family, friends, coworkers, church members).
Honor your loved one by creating new traditions (lighting candles at the dinner table and/or sharing precious memories of your loved one at the dinner table).
Do something nice for yourself (whatever your heart desires) but most importantly, take care of yourself. Remember self-care practices.
Give yourself grace.
All these things are helpful in coping with grief during the holidays; but most importantly, know there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday when you've lost a loved one. Although "tis the season to be jolly," take some time for yourself to grieve and know that you can and will get through this holiday season.